I don't want to be a soldier...

by John Lennon, from the album "Imagine" which was released in 1971.

A hymn for life and freedom...

Well, I don't wanna be a soldier mama, I don't wanna die
Well, I don't wanna be a sailor mama, I don't wanna fly
Well, I don't wanna be a failure mama, I don't wanna cry
Well, I don't wanna be a soldier mama, I don't wanna die
Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no...

Well, I don't wanna be a rich man mama, I don't wanna cry
Well, I don't wanna be a poor man mama, I don't wanna fly
Well, I don't wanna be a lawyer mama, I don't wanna lie
Well, I don't wanna be a soldier mama, I don't wanna die
Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, hey!

Well, I don't wanna be a soldier mama, I don't wanna die
Well, I don't wanna be a thief now mama, I don't wanna fly
Well, I don't wanna be a churchman mama, I don't wanna cry
Well, I don't wanna be a soldier mama, I don't wanna die
Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, hey!

Oh well, I don't wanna be a soldier mama, I don't wanna die
Well, I don't wanna be a sailor mama, I don't wanna fly
Well, I don't wanna be a failure mama, I don't wanna cry
Well, I don't wanna be a soldier mama, I don't wanna die
Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no...

Conscientious objectors in Turkey

It has been a long time since I did not write anything on this blog. There have been many developments in my life as well as in Turkey. There have been some good things, but mostly bad things are happenning unfortunately...

The fate of the conscientious objectors in Turkey did not change much indeed. "Conscientious objection is a human right not a personality disorder", but yet Turkey doesnot want to accept that. Peaceful protesters, human rights defender Halil Savda and three other activists, are convicted for "alienating the public from military service" in Turkey under Article 318 of the Turkish Penal Code on 17 June 2010. The case was opened against them following their attendance at a public demonstration on 6 January 2010 in support of conscientious objector and Amnesty International prisoner of conscience, Enver Aydemir, who had been in military detention since 24 December 2009 for refusing to perform military service. Amnesty International issued an urgent action on this cases.

The good thing took place on 15th September 2010. International Hrant Dink Foundation have given The International Hrant Dink Award 2010 to the the laureates; the Conscientious Objection Movement in Turkey and Baltasar Garzón Real from Spain, on September 15, 2010 with a ceremony at the Cemal Resit Rey Concert Hall. Mehmet Tarhan, in his speech, quoted Hrant: “Leaving the burning hell to run to ready-made heavens was not for me. We were of those who aspired to turn the hell they live in, into heaven,” and said that they could only walk on with the feeling of responsibility they felt to the ones who were able to say this. He continued his words by explaining that every conscientious objection is a personal commitment in fighting against militarism and using the language of peace, and with the Award they promise once again, this time to Hrant. “With this award, we are now indebted to you, Hrant.”

Good days will come?

Being Outside...

It is a happy life right now… It has been exactly 4 weeks since I am outside already. It is very hard to believe that I am now living this particular moment. I have to admit that I am very happy to be wherever I want to.

May be I will be gaining back some of 12 kilograms that I lost during the military service times because of eating non-regular and drinking on the old -normal- rhythm. I feel happy when I look at the mirror in the mornings. I admire my Mohican haircut and my beard over and over. I feel like visiting all the exhibitions, going to all the concerts and watching all the movies.

It is something that is not easy to explain… I have the full ownership of my hands and legs, it is extremely amazing. It is a beautiful world outside…

17/06/2010

A Documentary

I just got to know about a documentary movie on the great dilemma of Turkish military and the compulsory military service imposed on gays in Turkey. It is worth watching...

The documentary gives us a precise overview on the trilemma of being rotten, soldier or objector.

Thank you Aydın Oztek for your work...

TRILEMMA: ROTTEN, SOLDIER, OBJECTOR.

A documentary from Turkey examining how gays and the powerful Turkish military view each other in a complex and changing society in which military service is considered a rite of passage for every man

The Turkish army regards gays as sick or diseased and issue medical exemption reports to gays known as “rotten” reports. Gays have to decide whether to try to get such a report, do their military service, or become conscientious objectors. None of these is an easy choice…

---

Yönetmen - Senaryo - Kurgu:
Director - Screenplay - Editing:
AYDIN ÖZTEK

Görüntü Yönetmeni:
Director of photography:
ÖVÜNÇ ANĞUN

Proje Danışmanı:
Project consultant:
MEHMET TARHAN

21....

So there are just 21 days left till the end of service and only 10 days till he leaves the base...

The less time is left to "Zero" hour the more everyone gets anxious. Deeply hidden antipathies suddenly start to surface. Since the perspective of spending few more months together is not the case anymore many soldiers/inmates started to express their real characters with little regard for courtesy and rules. It makes these last weeks extremely difficult. In burning sun inmates burning with impatience to go out...must be really like a waiting room before hell...

Getting to the end...

Yesterday I faced with very mixed feelings... I managed to see the day of my departure on the departures list. It took me a few minutes to get used to the reality. I felt like smoking again, but remembered back that I gave it up yesterday any way...
In the end there was a light at the end of the long dark tunnell... I was confused... but happy... I hope I will get out of the bad mood I had last week very soon, as the list is a good sign.
I will go out of the base on 21st of May 2010.
In the conscripts jargon there is 17 days to the dawn after the midnight... According to my own counting there is 28... I will be done in with the military officially in 28 days.

Bank & TSK

To our surprise S.'s bank knows he's a soldier. ... Although we know that privacy in this heaven of MKA doesn't exist [with all family members and neighbors constantly watching your every move], we were still surprised by our discovery.

115!

Day 115 of my captivity and imprisonment... Hard to believe, but days are passing somehow... Only 65 days left by today!...

slavery

"(...) The captives was desocialized, depersonalized, degenerated, and decivilized upon capture. Once the captive was too distant from home to hope to escape, cut off from family, and dependent on the whim of the owner, he or she was forced to accept a subordinate role in the adoptive society."

Though about sth different, when I read this sentence I though of TSK.

P.Manning, "Slavery and African Life"

After a longer while...

So there are 73 days left till Freedom...Every day less and less...
But there are also less and less hopes in both of us that anything can change in this country soon. Systematic denial of dignity and self-responsibility that starts from the first day of primary school follows Turkish boys into their adulthood. Under constant school's and parental supervision, [where they cannot even have long hair until age 18 - even if they get parents' consent] their spend their life till age of 18 and later they enter university - those lucky one. If they happen to be accommodated in a dorm they are still under strict supervision as they have to sign presence list every evening before midnight. So although in legal terms they are accountable for their actions they cannot  stay out long. Less lucky ones after high or vocational school end up in military. No need to explain how system of control and indoctrination works there. Sadly these fresh school graduates are still very young, trained for years to not to think on their own, so when they enter military their system of believes is not at all challenged, to the contrary, it is systematically being strengthened. So they proudly believe they serve the greatest nation in the world, who is surrounded by its blood thirsty enemies [who all happen to be Christians by the way]. For some of these boys this is the only source of their pride cause they lack education and any perspectives for financially stable future with a good job. So its empowering. They want to believe they participate in something greater than themselves, they catch these few months of pride, cause they know that once they wear civilian clothes they'll be trash looking for any kind of job.
Two weeks I spoke for a long time with one of the professional soldiers who are guarding gate in S.'s base. At least he was honest saying that he became a soldier cause he had nothing better to do with his life. With no education or family business he'd be doomed to work very hard for very little pay. Now army takes care of him, and he is glad. He didn't seem to be especially excited about the honor of a soldier, he was more excited about regular wages and retirement perspectives. In the end I liked him. He was honest, didn't pretend unlike many guys I've met.

What is striking in this system of organized state's indoctrination of its population is the role of a family. Women are supposed to be Mothers and Sisters (could be Wifes, but doesn't happen very often-man usually marry after military, that is once they become "man") who wait, cry and support. But support is about something different that I thought it is. It is about being proud, about reinforcing the conviction that through the service man gains his manhood. It has nothing to do with supporting an individual who undergoes a process of military training, it is about making sure that this individual doesn't start to doubt. Family does the same. Moreover, family plays the role of the co-owner of a soldier. Since every son is a soldier, family from the day of their son's birth know that one day they will "give" him to the army. And they do. It is a contract between family and state, and their son [in this case no more a human, individual with its rights and human dignity, no we are talking about an object of ideological transaction]  as an object, not really party to the contract. So family can "rent" their son for a night only if father with his authority assures the army that his son will be back - to remind you, we talk about son at least at the age of 18. Similar discourse surrounds martyrs. The family is the center of grief - nation ourns their pain, and is not particularily sorry for the killed soldier, who lost his life, whose dreams and hopes will never be fulfilled. No, that doesn't really matter-as in this whole "military" thing an individual does not matter. As long as ideology is sustained and family shown compassion everything is right in its place. I understand, that just as believing in god helps some people to make sense of the tragedies that happen in their lives, martyrdom and state's compassion rationalizes death of a soldier son. But state abuses this power in Anatolia. Especially that most victims seem to come from not so much well off families, who are more vulnerable to state's ideology and omnipotence. It's like a circle of violence...

I get tired and angry when I write this, so I'll try to finish some other time. Cause there is other side of this story played by women. I've mentioned only one aspect of this. On the other hand I'm not a "real" women from Turkish ethnocentric perspective, so what I experience is probably different from other women's experiences. 

But in the end just 73 days left and time is passing as I'm writing this...

A comment under article about Turkish army. I think it's good summary of what S. has been telling me since December:

I remember well my military service in Turkiye. Who can forget! It was like a true hell on Earth. Much worse than hell actually. I was under constant psychological and physical torture: beating, very bad and very little food, very bad or no hygiene, insults and obscene language, insults to my family members like mother, father and siblings, zero recreation, very bad sleeping quarters with no heating in near zero centigrade temprature or no ventilation in 50+ deg/centigrade (let alone air conditioning), busted pipes flooding the floors. TSK violated every word and merit of Geneva convention for POWs. Being a POW in communist Russia would be much better. This was under TSK, its pasha now talks about the importance of secularism and democracy for modern Turkey. Who the hell is he kidding?

Source: http://www.hurriyetdailynews.com/n.php?n=basbug-8216a-demoralized-military-is-a-national-problem8217-2010-02-11

Absurd?

Heh...

what do you think word "voluntary" means? or i should better ask, how you think it's understood in turkish army?
probably we have already mentioned that S. signed documents stating that he voluntarily joins the army. well, he didn't do it voluntarily, but he had to sign such statement.
two weeks similar thing took place. he was in the hospital, undergoing a number of tests ordered by the military doctor. at the same time red crescent was collecting blood from conscripts. in theory blood donation was voluntary, but S. is punished for avoiding donation. it seems his supervisors consider him to be some kind of a saint or jesus - that must be the case, otherwise how can they expect him to be in two places at the same time? so he didn't voluntarily donate his blood and he is forbidden to go out of the base on the weekends. the problem is i had bought plane tickets to see him, but i won't. and it's all because apparently S. and me have wrong understanding of voluntarism.

After a break

It's been a while since I wrote anything. I guess I wasn't really sure what can I write. Also after initial shock I only slowly started to comprehend the reality.

S. is now in new base - in Incirlik. It is Turkish-American airbase. Small town on Incirlik turned into small American colony. But it's not "Little America." It's more like shanty town with bars called "Amigos" and shops selling carpets and jewelery. Probably these are the most favoured trofies of American soldiers. What is striking though is unusual for Turkey sensitivity to racial diversity present in American society and army per analogiam. Posters of dr. M.L.King or first graduates of Tuskegee who joined US Army are truly impressive. So is Bible's prophecy that Obama will be the president. Sad thing is that African American soldiers most probably feel like colonizers or at least the ones civilized among these shop sellers. Hopefully I'm wrong. But as long as they are willing to pay 120 USD for things worth 15lira they are one of the main pillars of local economy.

And speaking of S. list of stories demostrating irrationality of orders is endless. Level of nationalist propaganda are beyond description. Though it seems that in the new base it's less. Probably due to the fact that all of the soldiers had made an oath, so it means they underwent full program of indoctrination.
I went to this "ceremony." I was reading a book for most of the time. I couldn't see anything, and this what I could understand was too much, so I prefered to read. But the crowd was extremely excited although all of them, just like me, could see NOTHING. But I guess years of education they receiced in this country make them more sensitive to poems that were recited. During the oath when I heard word "honor" I was glad I wasn't listening with full attention. Apparently these men were pledging to defend honor of their women. What a relieve I'm not "their." But at the same time does this deprive me honor? Whatever.

Should I mention that military is based on daily rituals of violation of physical and mental integrity? On deprivation of human dignity? These little vicius things seem to be worse. Like postponing release for few hours outside, swearing or even jokes.
To some extend it's incomprehensive for people outside. The only way of resisting is inside your mind. Perhaps it's also the most dangerous one for them (the army) - if they only knew.

so I`ve been visiting S. for three weeks now. apart from the fact that I became recognizable to some ppl in the city I`m also not any more anonymous to some of the soldiers and officers. It sometimes helps to get S. quicker to the visitors area, before they start one of their brainwashing sessions. I`m listening to different stories so I should finally stop getting so surprised. Changing orders for the arrangements of the content of the pockets, ban on gloves despite coldness....and the movies they watch - old style propaganda. Other than that I guess usual military things - endless counting sessions, waiting, swearing, humiliation, dirt. They have no rights to their bodies - I`m not even mentioning the mind. Moreover visitors loose some of their integrity as well. A number of times we were warned not to sit as close as we were. We are not allowed to kiss, some women are ordered to change the style they cover their hair. And this waiting. For some people endless waiting for "their soldier." We stand in front of the windows starring in the direction from which awaited man will come. At first you just see blue uniform. Too far to guess if that`s the awaited man or not. When the blue shape approaches and turns out not to be the "one" we turn heads again to the beginning of the lane...for some women it lasts for hours...I`m lucky, I am remebered. But it is humiliating. Total dependence on somebody`s mood.

all these man turning into individuals again during visits. With their mothers, fathers, girl friens and friends. Each one of them starts to look different despite same uniform. It must take some unimaginable power not to surrender, to keep individuality intact and survive. Sometimes it`s hard for me to listen to the propaganda they are fed inside. I cant imagine listening to that under the control of the co-soldiers.

last 4 days and S. will be transferred to Adana. it's supposedly good base, just really far away. American troops are stationing in that air base. there is official website for the American part of the base. they dont reveal any importatnt info, but at least you can check the facilities in the base and see few photos. that's not the case with the Turkish part of course. not that American military is transparent or democratic - but at least they know the power of the public opinion. and as far as i know they dont have lectures on Abraham Lincoln as Turks have about Ataturk.

oh, and one more thing: until sildiers shoot their first bullet they wear identification number. after they pass this ridiculous "test of manhood" they are given tags with their own surnames, no more numbers. they become individuals again once they know how to shoot. NO COMMENTS.