despite the fact that S.was misinformed about visiting hours (we spent together 5h but could have spent 4h more) it went smooth. first is this moment of waiting when every coming soldier looks the same. only with time i started to notice differences in walking styles. i must admit that i went totally unprepared. some families brought big bags of food, hot tea and coffee, fruits - just everything you can imagine. they virtually made picnics in the visiting room. that is also the reason why we spent these 5 hours in the wind and rain outside. and since its not enough cold S. is not allowed to wear neither gloves nor hat. we've spent most of the time in the furthest corner of the garden so that we can speak freely and hug. it was a very good idea - when by the evening we moved to the visiting room a couple nearby was ordered to increase the distance between them. so there is some appropriate and inappropriate distance between man and a woman and a brave soldier of Turkish nation is always ready to protect fellow soldiers and their mothers from such an obscenity as hugging couple. other than that nothing special has happened. (apart from the soldier who registered my visit and couldn't spell the name of my country:D )
S. gave me some notes that i'm taping now and shall post them soon.
at least i have a plan for next weekend. kutahya welcomes! but next week i'll be in the base early in the morning with a big bag of food...
Monday, December 21, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
we spoke several times...once i mentioned human rights festival i went to - i shouldn't have done that...besides boring talks about food, running and nothing more detailed or personal. but tomorrow is a big day. i'm going for a first visit. i have just four hours so i must be before time, to make sure i get in before the tables in the visiting room are taken. i hope its not gonna rain. i have a list of things to buy. for some reason i feel like going to a prison...
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
YYY
1.
I look in the mirror and I see that this is not me....this is just an image and looks so fake. It is not me...I do not want to be...
2.
The worst days of my life. I did not think of this before..I feel more anxious about my future capturedness...It did not hapen with such a strenght ever before and probably never will again.
I am going to a big hole of the unknown: order, disciplinie, irrationality. I am really scared. I don't want to, but I have no other choice citizen. (or without high rank connections).
3.
I have dedicated last 10 years of my life to support for the people around the world:
-promoting critical positive and thinking and skepticism
-promoting right to privacy
-promoting Declaration of Human Rights
-developing openness, intercultural awareness, and peaceful conflict resolution
-respecting the differences and minorities within the society
-cherishing beauty of the world, environmental and community friendly traveling
-developing ecological way of life
...(sth I cant read)
What if all these are possible?
----------------
These notes, I think, were taken some 5 days prior to conscription.
I look in the mirror and I see that this is not me....this is just an image and looks so fake. It is not me...I do not want to be...
2.
The worst days of my life. I did not think of this before..I feel more anxious about my future capturedness...It did not hapen with such a strenght ever before and probably never will again.
I am going to a big hole of the unknown: order, disciplinie, irrationality. I am really scared. I don't want to, but I have no other choice citizen. (or without high rank connections).
3.
I have dedicated last 10 years of my life to support for the people around the world:
-promoting critical positive and thinking and skepticism
-promoting right to privacy
-promoting Declaration of Human Rights
-developing openness, intercultural awareness, and peaceful conflict resolution
-respecting the differences and minorities within the society
-cherishing beauty of the world, environmental and community friendly traveling
-developing ecological way of life
...(sth I cant read)
What if all these are possible?
----------------
These notes, I think, were taken some 5 days prior to conscription.
xxx
I believe I am enough "proper" to be a citizen of this country and enough adult to know about "life."
A democratic state should not impose anything upon or terrorize its citizens.
xxx
I am against the idea that women is a prize for men. Women and men are equal. They are just human beings. Gender differences are created by this state. They use national history, obligatory military service, state-directed media and national education.
A democratic state should not impose anything upon or terrorize its citizens.
xxx
I am against the idea that women is a prize for men. Women and men are equal. They are just human beings. Gender differences are created by this state. They use national history, obligatory military service, state-directed media and national education.
I have been to many parts of this country because I wanted to. I have seen the suffering in the eyes of the people. I have also experienced their helpfullness and hospitality. many times. I am glad for that. I am glad that we have many good people in different parts of this country. We have to accept them as they are. Their one and only demand is this acceptance....by the state and by the powerful casts of this country.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Day 2
He called today for a minute... They walked for many hours and waited for many hours, it is cold and raining. They didn't get registered in the end - have no idea what that means- my Turkish not always meets the demands of the moment. Still no info about visits possibility...
XXX1
I do not believe in violence and over discipline in any ways and in no institution even if it is supposed to be for the sake of the nation. Who decides for the nation? It doesnt need a brainwash on daily basis.I have learnt that efficiend and successful communication can be achieved by people's own will and only then there'll be peace ans understanding in this small world. If this is interpreted as an act against the nation, I am against the nation by all means. In the year 2009 when technology has become a part of daily routine, not mentionimg the military, no army is in need of 900 thousands of soldiers any more.
Peace can only be secured by the use of mediation and communication. There is a need for an open platform to discuss every issue. This would bring us to solutions. There's a need for understanding the other side of every idea.
There is no such power in a state to solve the problems in a society with a use of force. Use of power can only postpone the solution and hide it. But no problems can be hidden for long.
Peace can only be secured by the use of mediation and communication. There is a need for an open platform to discuss every issue. This would bring us to solutions. There's a need for understanding the other side of every idea.
There is no such power in a state to solve the problems in a society with a use of force. Use of power can only postpone the solution and hide it. But no problems can be hidden for long.
From last weeks...
S.'s notes from last week I guess:
Obligatory military service started in 1927 by the decision of the National Assembly. The only significant debate was about the obligatory military service possibility for the women of the nation.
Last week I was ordered to go to the Conscription Order Office of the Turkish Armed Forces by my own family. As I was not registered in state records in the place I was born and raised, I had to go to the city my father was proudly registered in. It seemed that he was much excited and proud. However I was very anxious and nervous
As a matter of fact I was already trying to adapt myself to the upcoming destiny for the last weeks. I made a horrifying visit to the screening of the film "Nefes / Breath", the new block-buster movie in Turkey. The movie was showing the "actual" happenings in a military border station in South-Eastern Turkey in 1993. It was showing the great contradictions in Turkish political reality and Turkish military.
"Freedom is what you do with what's been done to you.." Jean-Paul Sartre
***
What he also wanted to mention is that there was one women in 1930s in Turkish Air Forces. She was also first female combat pilot in the world - I'm talking about Sabiha Gokcen. She got her first medals for her great dedication to the operation in Dersim. In the "war with feudalism," between 1937-38 few thousands (of course the number changes depending on a source - so let's skip the numbers) Alevi Kurds were massacered. Dersim ceased to exist and until now it was Tunceli ("Tunc" means "bronze" and "el" means "hand, power, possesion") - of course the reason for a change was that "Dersim" was not a Turkish word. And tunc eli refers to national myths etc. making newely conquered/massacered land truly "Turkish" and "civilized." The irony is that second airport in Istanbul carries Sabiha's name - the first female combat pilot who participated in mass murder. (Of course only Kurds call it a "massacre").
***
And speaking of the conscription - S. signed statement that he wants to join the army, which means he basically volunteered. In a way he was ordered to volunteer.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Day 1 "O Simdi Asker"
Today S. went to assigned military base and I'm taking over writing...If we have chance to communicate he asked to put some of his observations here...I'll try to adhere to his words, but it's not gonna be easy...
***
Now I don't know when he'd have a chance to contact me. If phone cards he took with him were confiscated or not...It can ever happen that during first 5 weeks there I won't know anything or I'll be visiting him every weekend. No one knows at the moment anything. And that's one of the most bothering things...
***
I should be proud of him that he's serving his nation, but I'm not. And it makes us both more miserable than others in our situation are. There was some kind of a positive excitement floating in the air today in front of the base...and just yesterday one of the aunts with a big smile (one of those overtly nice smiles) asked if I'm excited about S.'s becoming a soldier (and what she meant by that also a true man)...It would be easier if I was. It seemed that militarist ideology really alleviates the pain and fear of many families and conscripts. All these rituals of visiting the house of the soldier-to-be, bringing some military underwear, sharing "military stories" is ment to bring some relief. And I think it really worked this way fo S.'s parents. At the same time, S. was not necessary for the ritual. It was the family speaking about him as if he was not present in the room. In fact most of the time he wasn't - and good for him: he didn't have to listen to this militarist crap. Also the streets were overtaken recently by soldiers-to-be and their friends. They have this ritual of taking future soldier into a car decorated with Turkish flags somehow attached to the front of the car and they drive around the cities leaning out of the car's windows waving flags (one flag is never enough to demonstrate love for this piece of cloth), making noise with car horn and shouting "Bizim asker en buyuk asker" which means "Our soldier is the biggest/best soldier." It definitely helps to channel anxiety that such a soldier could potentially feel. Especially when he believes he's doing the right thing. But again, we didn't do it - we just had some vodka, beers and chat with friends.
***
So far so good - he's in Kutahya, in Western Turkey in an air force base. But after initial training he'll be most probably transferred somewhere else - we'll know just two days in advance. Now I'm preparing to the role of fiancee - one of the friends advised us to become engaged for the time being. Supposedly engaged man is more man than single one. And since military is about manhood the more S. meets the social requirements for his gender the better it should be. Also ring on my finger should make it easier to visit him - it gives me some rights I'd be denied if I continue to be "just" a girlfriend. Partner relationships get no recognition (buhaha. what a discovery!). So last night we had this crazy "tour de jewelery store" and we got the rings. Although our criteria were simple: the cheapest and least shining ones (it is apparently fashionable to have huge, shining rings) we actually found really quite rings and we should be able to sell them off in June. So S. became 24h engaged man and I'll be part-time engaged woman during the visit weekends. I was trying to find something comparably absurd I've done in my life and seriously nothing can compete with the rings. Moreover, I never made such an effort to comply with my gender role (but at the same time we have some little pervert pleasure from he fact we staged this whole engagement drama). In the eyes of many people we became men and woman - but I can't get rid off the opposite feeling - feeling of being a child who has to lie about a broken vase. No matter how absurd it may seem, however, there is some logic behind it and if that's gona ease anyting the show must go on.
***
Now I don't know when he'd have a chance to contact me. If phone cards he took with him were confiscated or not...It can ever happen that during first 5 weeks there I won't know anything or I'll be visiting him every weekend. No one knows at the moment anything. And that's one of the most bothering things...
***
I should be proud of him that he's serving his nation, but I'm not. And it makes us both more miserable than others in our situation are. There was some kind of a positive excitement floating in the air today in front of the base...and just yesterday one of the aunts with a big smile (one of those overtly nice smiles) asked if I'm excited about S.'s becoming a soldier (and what she meant by that also a true man)...It would be easier if I was. It seemed that militarist ideology really alleviates the pain and fear of many families and conscripts. All these rituals of visiting the house of the soldier-to-be, bringing some military underwear, sharing "military stories" is ment to bring some relief. And I think it really worked this way fo S.'s parents. At the same time, S. was not necessary for the ritual. It was the family speaking about him as if he was not present in the room. In fact most of the time he wasn't - and good for him: he didn't have to listen to this militarist crap. Also the streets were overtaken recently by soldiers-to-be and their friends. They have this ritual of taking future soldier into a car decorated with Turkish flags somehow attached to the front of the car and they drive around the cities leaning out of the car's windows waving flags (one flag is never enough to demonstrate love for this piece of cloth), making noise with car horn and shouting "Bizim asker en buyuk asker" which means "Our soldier is the biggest/best soldier." It definitely helps to channel anxiety that such a soldier could potentially feel. Especially when he believes he's doing the right thing. But again, we didn't do it - we just had some vodka, beers and chat with friends.
***
So far so good - he's in Kutahya, in Western Turkey in an air force base. But after initial training he'll be most probably transferred somewhere else - we'll know just two days in advance. Now I'm preparing to the role of fiancee - one of the friends advised us to become engaged for the time being. Supposedly engaged man is more man than single one. And since military is about manhood the more S. meets the social requirements for his gender the better it should be. Also ring on my finger should make it easier to visit him - it gives me some rights I'd be denied if I continue to be "just" a girlfriend. Partner relationships get no recognition (buhaha. what a discovery!). So last night we had this crazy "tour de jewelery store" and we got the rings. Although our criteria were simple: the cheapest and least shining ones (it is apparently fashionable to have huge, shining rings) we actually found really quite rings and we should be able to sell them off in June. So S. became 24h engaged man and I'll be part-time engaged woman during the visit weekends. I was trying to find something comparably absurd I've done in my life and seriously nothing can compete with the rings. Moreover, I never made such an effort to comply with my gender role (but at the same time we have some little pervert pleasure from he fact we staged this whole engagement drama). In the eyes of many people we became men and woman - but I can't get rid off the opposite feeling - feeling of being a child who has to lie about a broken vase. No matter how absurd it may seem, however, there is some logic behind it and if that's gona ease anyting the show must go on.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
This land?
A nation of military... a military-nation... A land of the heroes... Soldiers aged from 7 to 77... What a great achievement it is... indeed it is a land of a__h__es came together to give pleasure each other... this is a f__king country...
Is a land of peace of understanding possible? I dream of it... Change should be possible. I am insisting on dreaming of a Land of Peace.
Is a land of peace of understanding possible? I dream of it... Change should be possible. I am insisting on dreaming of a Land of Peace.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
The Beginning
Today I officially start to "serve the nation". This "sacred service" will go on for 6 months until 1st of 2010.
Right now I have no idea where I am going to be assigned and what I will be obliged to do there.
In this blog I will try to share my observations and thoughts as well as some of my emotions about the military slavery (defined by Tolstoy in the main page of this blog).
Right now I have no idea where I am going to be assigned and what I will be obliged to do there.
In this blog I will try to share my observations and thoughts as well as some of my emotions about the military slavery (defined by Tolstoy in the main page of this blog).
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