despite the fact that S.was misinformed about visiting hours (we spent together 5h but could have spent 4h more) it went smooth. first is this moment of waiting when every coming soldier looks the same. only with time i started to notice differences in walking styles. i must admit that i went totally unprepared. some families brought big bags of food, hot tea and coffee, fruits - just everything you can imagine. they virtually made picnics in the visiting room. that is also the reason why we spent these 5 hours in the wind and rain outside. and since its not enough cold S. is not allowed to wear neither gloves nor hat. we've spent most of the time in the furthest corner of the garden so that we can speak freely and hug. it was a very good idea - when by the evening we moved to the visiting room a couple nearby was ordered to increase the distance between them. so there is some appropriate and inappropriate distance between man and a woman and a brave soldier of Turkish nation is always ready to protect fellow soldiers and their mothers from such an obscenity as hugging couple. other than that nothing special has happened. (apart from the soldier who registered my visit and couldn't spell the name of my country:D )
S. gave me some notes that i'm taping now and shall post them soon.
at least i have a plan for next weekend. kutahya welcomes! but next week i'll be in the base early in the morning with a big bag of food...

we spoke several times...once i mentioned human rights festival i went to - i shouldn't have done that...besides boring talks about food, running and nothing more detailed or personal. but tomorrow is a big day. i'm going for a first visit. i have just four hours so i must be before time, to make sure i get in before the tables in the visiting room are taken. i hope its not gonna rain. i have a list of things to buy. for some reason i feel like going to a prison...

YYY

1.

I look in the mirror and I see that this is not me....this is just an image and looks so fake. It is not me...I do not want to be...

2.

The worst days of my life. I did not think of this before..I feel more anxious about my future capturedness...It did not hapen with such a strenght ever before and probably never will again.
I am going to a big hole of the unknown: order, disciplinie, irrationality. I am really scared. I don't want to, but I have no other choice citizen. (or without high rank connections).

3.

I have dedicated last 10 years of my life to support for the people around the world:

-promoting critical positive and thinking and skepticism
-promoting right to privacy
-promoting Declaration of Human Rights
-developing openness, intercultural awareness, and peaceful conflict resolution
-respecting the differences and minorities within the society
-cherishing beauty of the world, environmental and community friendly traveling
-developing ecological way of life

...(sth I cant read)

What if all these are possible?

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These notes, I think, were taken some 5 days prior to conscription.