After a longer while...

So there are 73 days left till Freedom...Every day less and less...
But there are also less and less hopes in both of us that anything can change in this country soon. Systematic denial of dignity and self-responsibility that starts from the first day of primary school follows Turkish boys into their adulthood. Under constant school's and parental supervision, [where they cannot even have long hair until age 18 - even if they get parents' consent] their spend their life till age of 18 and later they enter university - those lucky one. If they happen to be accommodated in a dorm they are still under strict supervision as they have to sign presence list every evening before midnight. So although in legal terms they are accountable for their actions they cannot  stay out long. Less lucky ones after high or vocational school end up in military. No need to explain how system of control and indoctrination works there. Sadly these fresh school graduates are still very young, trained for years to not to think on their own, so when they enter military their system of believes is not at all challenged, to the contrary, it is systematically being strengthened. So they proudly believe they serve the greatest nation in the world, who is surrounded by its blood thirsty enemies [who all happen to be Christians by the way]. For some of these boys this is the only source of their pride cause they lack education and any perspectives for financially stable future with a good job. So its empowering. They want to believe they participate in something greater than themselves, they catch these few months of pride, cause they know that once they wear civilian clothes they'll be trash looking for any kind of job.
Two weeks I spoke for a long time with one of the professional soldiers who are guarding gate in S.'s base. At least he was honest saying that he became a soldier cause he had nothing better to do with his life. With no education or family business he'd be doomed to work very hard for very little pay. Now army takes care of him, and he is glad. He didn't seem to be especially excited about the honor of a soldier, he was more excited about regular wages and retirement perspectives. In the end I liked him. He was honest, didn't pretend unlike many guys I've met.

What is striking in this system of organized state's indoctrination of its population is the role of a family. Women are supposed to be Mothers and Sisters (could be Wifes, but doesn't happen very often-man usually marry after military, that is once they become "man") who wait, cry and support. But support is about something different that I thought it is. It is about being proud, about reinforcing the conviction that through the service man gains his manhood. It has nothing to do with supporting an individual who undergoes a process of military training, it is about making sure that this individual doesn't start to doubt. Family does the same. Moreover, family plays the role of the co-owner of a soldier. Since every son is a soldier, family from the day of their son's birth know that one day they will "give" him to the army. And they do. It is a contract between family and state, and their son [in this case no more a human, individual with its rights and human dignity, no we are talking about an object of ideological transaction]  as an object, not really party to the contract. So family can "rent" their son for a night only if father with his authority assures the army that his son will be back - to remind you, we talk about son at least at the age of 18. Similar discourse surrounds martyrs. The family is the center of grief - nation ourns their pain, and is not particularily sorry for the killed soldier, who lost his life, whose dreams and hopes will never be fulfilled. No, that doesn't really matter-as in this whole "military" thing an individual does not matter. As long as ideology is sustained and family shown compassion everything is right in its place. I understand, that just as believing in god helps some people to make sense of the tragedies that happen in their lives, martyrdom and state's compassion rationalizes death of a soldier son. But state abuses this power in Anatolia. Especially that most victims seem to come from not so much well off families, who are more vulnerable to state's ideology and omnipotence. It's like a circle of violence...

I get tired and angry when I write this, so I'll try to finish some other time. Cause there is other side of this story played by women. I've mentioned only one aspect of this. On the other hand I'm not a "real" women from Turkish ethnocentric perspective, so what I experience is probably different from other women's experiences. 

But in the end just 73 days left and time is passing as I'm writing this...